星期五, 十二月 30, 2005
arghhhhhhhhhh.. so sianz now.. scanned through my msn .. haiz... cant find any topic to chat wif any1.. almost all the conversations ended with a ' happy new year' ... so.. turn to my dear bloggy.. hahaz..
shall post abt my day.. well.... went to co early in the morning... well.. miss 1 pract. last wk bcoz i was sick.. at first was quite worry abt today's pract. .. scare i cant catch up.. in the end.. hmm.. quite alright.. hahaz..played wif a new instrument.. dunno wat is the name.. hahaz.. even borrowed it home.. well.. it's fun.
den at the bus stop, sookhan they all were thr too... well.. chatted a little bit abt studies.. n sook han reminded me of the edusave award ceremony.. omg.. it's tml!.. nearly 4get abt it..
anyway, sookhan is going for the ceremony if i m nt wrong.. hehe..
hmm.. after went to watch 'qing dian da sheng'.... actually i wanna watch chicken little more..... but den.. ling watch le lar.. so nvm lar.. juz give it a miss.... haiz.. den after tat went home.. WAS SHOOCK.. i tot i went into the wrong hse.. well.. firstly, the main door was opened big big.. n the living room was in a mess.. i tot gt burglar.. hahahaha... in the end.. they were all in the kitchen painting.. i mean painting the wall.. wanted to help.. bt i was fast asleep at the sofa in 5 mins time.. hahahaz.. shldnt sleep at 3 am yesterday.. hahahaz..serve me right, no fun for me..
den had a coversation wif ling,dia n may.. decided to have steamboat at dia hse tml.. well.. actually i wasnt very keen abt it.. no mood to go out.. bt nvm.. since they were kind of excited abt it.. shall nt spoil their mood.. :) ... hope i can b more jing shen tml.. hahahz..
well.... these few days.. dunno y.. dun feel lyk steping out the hse.. wanted to stay at home.. at the little bed of mine. wanted to cover myself wif blanket.. hide myself from the world..tink i m crazy nahz... i also dunno y i m lyk tat.. kind of weird.. realised i was weird, different from other gals.. wonder when can i behave LYK a gal.. hahaz.. tink i siao le..
haiz.. find myself doing alot of wrong thing recently.. perharps it started long ago.. bt i only realised recently.. haiz.. was having a bad feeling.. cant figure it out. tat da ben dan told me alot of thing.. realised.. perharps... i do nt enough for tis relatioship..maybe.. i m nt tat gd enough for him.. AIYA.. AHLAY..WAKE UP.. WAT R THINKING?!!? LOOKING FOR PROBLEMS TO TROUBLE URSELF..?!.. actually da ben dan say it's nt my fault all tat.. n did nt blame me anything n he have nth to blame me.. bt.. it makes me feel.. even more moody.. i dunno y.. perharps myself, cant even understand myself..
searching for the real me.. omgg...... was finding myself smiling to others even i dun feel lyk.. it's lyk.. it bcum normal for ppl to see me wif a smile... dun feel lyk going out.. dun feel lyk facing the world.. i dun want to put on the smiling mask.. mayb.. i dun even noe how take the mask down.. i cant present the real me to others.. arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..dunno how to share, to cry out my troubles to my family, my friends n him.
actually, i m quite envy of ppl wif a happy family.. y my family have so much problems... haiz.... since young.. my mother was busy wif her own work.. no time to accompany me.. i want to b lyk other kids.. spending their wkend wif their family.. going out n having fun.. bt my mum always break her promises to me..wonder y my family is so different from the others.. i need to b independent from a small little kid.. doing many things by myself.. my mother never really get worry abt me.. bt wat i need is more care.. i have too much freedom .. bt i hate it.. all i want is more care frm her..
aiya..... mayb i tink too much le.. mayb.. all these was never a problem.. i m juz finding faults abt my life.. wanted to improve my life.. want to b top of the world.. want to perfect in every aspect of my life.. i want to escape.. escape from the current ahlay... want to change myself.. to a better person..
well.. realise my tis post is very long.. think very few ppl will read till the end bahz.. bt anyway, juz wanna find a place to share my troubles.. dun really care if any1 read till the end...
One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday.
11:50 下午
